It is that time of year again, when kids are counting the days until school’s out, and parents are scrambling to keep them occupied for the next two months. Younger kids might attend day camps, but teens pose a different dilemma. Many have outgrown organized activities and want more independence, but their parents fear them frittering away the days online. Some parents also have fond memories of their own play-filled summers and wish their teen could have a taste of that, too.
How can parents resist a digital deluge this summer? As the author of a book on curbing screen time and the mother of three kids, including two teens, I can offer some suggestions. It’s never easy to go against the status quo, but you are not alone. Many families use the summer as a chance to “detox” from devices and establish new behavioural patterns.
Start by focusing on your teen’s analog life. It is crucial to pursue activities that make it easier to resist the temptation of tech; otherwise, it’s a losing battle. Does your teen have fun, interesting, challenging things to do? Are they allowed to go places on their own and meet friends? Do they engage in what author Cal Newport has termed “high-quality leisure” activities, referring to hobbies that are active, not passive, use skills to produce valuable things in a physical world and require in-person social interaction?
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Is your home (and yard, if you have one) a stimulating place for a teen to hang out? I’ve invested in a few things to make ours more interesting, including a second-hand trampoline, a slack line, a basketball net and a squat rack in the garage. My sons’ friends show up regularly, eager to hang out and move their bodies. As the saying goes, if you build it (and welcome them and feed them), they will come.
Enrich your indoor space. Provide art supplies, board games, tabletop games, books, ingredients, musical instruments. Embrace boredom. It’s okay if teens appear aimless; they’ll figure it out eventually. Assign chores. Encourage them to get a job. Ask what goals they have for the summer. Plan fun outings after work or on weekends.
Next, establish strict rules for device use. Be overt and unambiguous. Create phone-free times and spaces – for example, no phones in the bedroom, at night, at mealtimes, first thing in the morning; or allow the devices for one to two hours each day, then confiscate. Reduce the number of devices your teen can have this summer. Prioritize “good” screen time, such as movies with character development and a narrative arc, watched with others, over “bad” screen time, such as short, rapid, fragmented video clips without substance, watched in isolation.
Consider a full social media ban. This would free up a lot of time, since teens spend approximately five hours a day on social media, and would boost general well-being. Author Johann Hari recommends taking six months off social media each year. An organization called APPstinence.org helps young people step away from social media and reclaim their time, attention and privacy.
Finally, consider the example you’re setting. How much time do you spend away from your phone, doing active things, meeting interesting people, talking about big, thought-provoking ideas? Do you make “real” life look appealing or even attainable?
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Talk to your teen. Explain that you’re concerned not just about the direct negative effects of excessive screen time (increased sedentariness, shattered focus, impaired sleep, cyberbullying, reduced empathy, brain rot-inducing content, etc.), but also the opportunity cost, which is everything they miss out when they’re on a screen, like forming relationships, developing skills, getting creative, daydreaming, going outside, have face-to-face conversations.
When debating a resistant teen, writer Jacqueline Nesi recommends a valuable mindset shift, from “me vs. you” to “us vs. them.” Instead of it being me (angry parent) against you (screen-obsessed teen), approach it as us (parent and teen together) against them (addictive technologies). To bolster your own parental resolve, remember that by limiting screen time, you’re protecting their adolescence and their development, not letting it be stolen from them by a device.
An increasing number of young adults are grateful in retrospect that their parents implemented meaningful screen-time limits, even if they resisted them at the time. The kids need help, and no adult is better positioned than a parent to provide that. Give them an analog summer they’ll never forget.
Katherine Johnson Martinko is a Canadian writer and the author of the 2023 book Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens and Find Balance. She writes about digital minimalism, parenting and technology in her e-mail newsletter, The Analog Family.
