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Ask a Therapist is a series of columns offering insights and advice about common psychological concerns. It is not a substitute for seeking professional psychological or medical care.
If I were to summarize my main goal as a clinical psychologist, it is to help my clients increase psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility is a concept rooted in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), an evidence-based psychotherapy. It is defined as the ability to be present and open to your internal experience (thoughts, emotions, physical sensations) and engage in values-based behaviours rather than be rigidly controlled by thoughts or emotions. Research has demonstrated that psychological flexibility supports mental well-being and quality of life.
ACT proposes that psychological problems develop as a result of psychological inflexibility, or the rigid dominance of certain thoughts and behaviours aimed at avoiding unwanted or unpleasant experiences. For example, someone with social anxiety may avoid social interactions or events. While this allows the person to avoid feeling anxious, it also shrinks their social circle and increases isolation and anxiety in the long-run, as they do not have the lived experience of practising being social and gaining comfort over time.
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Psychological inflexibility arises from seeking to avoid discomfort and listening to rigid and limiting self-narratives, which leads to ineffective action. Over time, inflexibility creates distress, a sense of being stuck and a decreased quality of life. In contrast, psychological flexibility fosters mindfulness of the present moment, acceptance of uncomfortable thoughts, emotions and situations, and engagement in values-based action even when difficulties exist.
Benefits of psychological flexibility include less rumination about the past and anxiety about the future, as you are practising tuning into the present, having more space and energy to direct toward what is meaningful to you rather than struggling with unhelpful thoughts and emotions, and responding and adapting to life more effectively, as there is less dominance of ineffective patterns.
You can cultivate psychological flexibility through these five practices.
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Be here now
Focus your attention on the present moment. If you notice your attention is caught in the past or future, come back to the here and now. Take a breath and notice the feeling of the air moving in and out of your body, or push your feet into the ground and notice the sensations in your feet. Notice how your body feels when you have certain thoughts and feelings.
Accept your experience
Practice making room for your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations, even if they feel unpleasant. Open up to them and simply allow them to be present. You don’t have to try to push them away or hug them. Just let them be. Take a few slow breaths and imagine your unpleasant thoughts and feelings as an annoying house guest who, while irritating, you can tolerate. Let them be present until they pass on their own time.
Create distance from your thoughts
Practice noticing your thoughts and naming them as thoughts. Try starting with the phrase, “I am having the thought that …”. This will help you to view thoughts as thoughts – not the truth – and create a sense of separation between you and your thoughts. This mental distance allows you to act based on your values and what is most meaningful to you rather than based on what your thoughts are telling you, which may be inaccurate or unhelpful.
Name the story
We all can have a limiting narrative running in our minds. You may have an “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlovable,” or “I’m incompetent” narrative. Listening to these stories narrows behaviour, as the goal is to avoid discomfort associated with these thoughts rather than living a meaningful life. practice naming the story: “Oh, here is the ‘I’m not good enough’ narrative again,” and acknowledge that these thoughts are simply words, and just because you think it, it doesn’t mean it is true.
Take action based on your values
Intentionally shifting focus away from discomfort can be helpful at times. However, making choices solely to avoid discomfort may lead to ineffective behaviour that takes you further away from your goals. For example, you don’t speak up at work because you feel anxious and are worried you will sound incompetent, which makes it difficult to advance in your career. Instead, focus on taking action based on your values or what is personally meaningful to you, which creates a fuller, more vibrant life.
Take some time to consider and write down your top values, and use these to guide your choices, like a compass. You can practice this by creating specific goals that align with your values. For example, if you value creativity, you may set a goal to research and sign up for a community art class, even if you feel uncomfortable trying something new.
Psychological flexibility creates options and choice. It is a practice and psychological stance that fosters willingness and expansion, reminds us that our experiences are multifaceted and ultimately, that we are separate and bigger than any specific thought, feeling, or physical sensation. We can choose to take action that moves us in the direction of our values.
Jennifer Caspari, PhD, is a registered psychologist in British Columbia. She works at Tall Tree Integrated Health in Vancouver and is the author of You Are More Than Your Body.