You’re in a grocery store, and someone looks like they are in a rush, has a screaming child or only has one item compared to your cart full of food. Do you stay in your spot in line or let them go in front of you? Well, it turns out that if you’re more likely to do the latter, it may reveal specific traits about you.
“Everyday behaviors can be small windows into how we relate to ourselves and other people,” says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. “Most of us are not consciously thinking about our values or personality traits when we are standing in line, but our choices still reflect patterns.”
Importantly, noticing whether you’ll let an individual go in front of you in line in certain situations or all the time isn’t a morality test, like some people might make it out to be. Still, it can be helpful to think about.
“Paying attention to those patterns can help us understand what motivates us, what stresses us out and how we tend to show up in social situations,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. “That awareness matters because it gives us more flexibility. We can keep the behaviors that feel aligned with who we want to be and rethink the ones that leave us feeling drained or overlooked.”
Letting others go in front of you in line seems polite on the surface, and can be. However, psychologists say it can also reveal some traits that aren’t so desirable and may actually hold you back. To help you reflect, psychologists share seven unique traits that people who let others go in front of them in line often share. Plus, they weigh in on whether or not you should prioritize this kind gesture.
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Should You Let Someone Cut in Front of You in Line?
The answer isn’t so clear-cut, psychologists say. There are certainly times when it’s polite and even socially preferable to let others go in front of you in line. However, there are times when it’s best to hold your spot and let the other person wait their turn.
Dr. Brandy Smith, Ph.D, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks, suggests yielding to someone else if they:
- Are struggling
- Have fewer items
- Remind you of someone special
- Seem like they are in a rush
She adds that another great reason to let someone go ahead of you in line is if you simply want to do a good deed. It’s like paying for the next person’s coffee, but free.
Sometimes, it’s best to maintain a first-come, first-served mindset, though. She does not recommend letting someone cut in front of you if:
- It adds to your distress
- You are working on people-pleasing tendencies
- It doesn’t make sense (For instance, they have a full basket and you only have two items)
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7 Traits of People Who Let Others Go First in Line, According to Psychologists
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1. Empathy
Empathy is a common trait and superpower of people who let others go ahead of them in line.
“Many people who let others go ahead are highly attuned to how other people might be feeling,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa shares. “They may quickly notice signs of stress, fatigue or urgency and imagine themselves in that person’s position. That emotional awareness can naturally lead to kind, accommodating behavior.”
2. Helper status
In hard times, we’re often told to “look for the helpers.” You may be one yourself if you let others cut in front of you, even just once.
“Someone who is willing to do something to make someone else’s situation better is connected to wanting to be helpful,” Dr. Smith shares. “It could be a momentary connection of wanting to be helpful in that moment or to that person or to that person’s plight, or it may be a broader sense of the person wanting to be helpful in general.”
3. Wide-lens thinking
Dr. Smith says that people who yield their spot in line are often attuned not only to the needs of others but also to their own. They’re able to think broadly and on the fly.
“The person is taking into consideration their circumstances and situation and deciding they have more time for this task to be completed than they deem the other person may have,” Dr. Smith tells Parade. “By taking into consideration self and others, the person is able to do something that works ‘for the greater good.'”
Related: Individuals Who Grew Up as ‘People-Pleasers’ Usually Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
4. People-pleasing tendencies
Life as an empath can go too far and morph into people-pleasing. Your inner voice may pressure you to give up your spot in line, even if you have places to go or fewer items in your cart.
“For some, stepping aside in line is driven by discomfort with saying no or fear of being seen as rude,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. “While the intention is usually good, it can sometimes mean putting other people’s comfort ahead of their own needs.”
5. Conflict avoidance
Speaking of discomfort, you may have a ton of it around conflict.
“Standing their ground in line can feel uncomfortable if they think being assertive is the same as confrontational,” Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, points out. “They want to reduce their own internal anxiety and let someone go ahead of them.”
Related: If You Say These 7 Things Regularly, People May Think You’re Difficult to Be Around, Psychologists Warn
6. Low urgency or minimizing one’s own time
This one can be a sign of self-awareness or low self-worth.
“Some people genuinely are not in a rush and do not mind waiting,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa states. “Others may be used to downplaying their own time or needs, even when there is no real reason to do so. Over time, this can become a habit rather than a conscious decision.”
Related: 8 Phrases To Replace Saying ‘It’s OK’ When It’s Really Not OK, According to Psychologists
7. Flexibility
If you regularly let others go ahead of you in line, you are more likely to have a go-with-the-flow mindset, or at least be OK with making slight, sudden pivots.
“They are comfortable adapting in the moment,” Dr. Schiff says. “They can regulate their emotions and tolerate minor inconveniences if they pop up.”
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Sources:
- Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist.
- Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., is a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor.
- Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, is a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
