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Ask a Therapist is a new series of columns offering insights and advice about common psychological concerns. It is not a substitute for seeking professional psychological or medical care.
As a cisgender woman with cerebral palsy and a body that does not fit societal ideals – chief among them having a fully able body – I have often struggled with body acceptance. Not to be confused with body positivity, which seems to require constant love of our bodies, body acceptance is about focusing on what our bodies can do and what they represent in our lives.
Practising body acceptance doesn’t mean you always have to like your appearance, but that you appreciate your body’s functionality, unique features and overall health – without feeling the need to change it to fit societal standards. It involves adopting a neutral, realistic and flexible mindset that decreases self-criticism and separates our value from our physical appearance.
Rigid definitions of acceptable body types are nothing new – but in a cultural moment of weight-loss drugs and image-heavy social media platforms, the pressure to mould and change our bodies to be closer to narrow and unrealistic standards is more intense than ever. If the ideal is a thin body with visible muscle tone, most people will fall outside of that, setting the stage for dissatisfaction and possible mental health concerns.
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According to the Canadian Paediatric Society, by Grade 8, more than 50 per cent of adolescents have tried to lose weight. It notes girls often feel pressure to be thinner, and boys feel pressure to gain muscle. Research has long found that body dissatisfaction in adolescents is a risk factor for lower self-esteem and depressive symptoms over time. More recently, social media use has also been linked to increased body dissatisfaction and lower body esteem, and reducing daily social media use has been found to improve body esteem in youth with emotional distress.
Whatever your age, here are six ways you can cultivate body acceptance.
1. Respect your body
Take care of yourself, for instance, by staying hydrated and eating regularly, and practise acknowledging your whole body, allowing the parts that you feel uncomfortable with to simply exist, rather than trying to push them away or fix them. Think about your body with less judgment and criticism, using a neutral “This is how my body exists, and that’s okay” mentality.
2. Name and change your unrealistic or unhelpful body thoughts
Spend a day or two writing down the thoughts you have about your body. Look at what you have written and identify statements that are overly rigid, inaccurate or unhelpful. Then, rewrite them to be more balanced and constructive. For example, you may change “I’m ugly” or “I need to lose weight,” to “It’s okay to not like parts of my body, and there are aspects of my appearance I like, such as my hairstyle” or “I feel better when I focus on doing things that are fun and enjoyable, rather than focus on losing weight.” Aim to think about your body in a middle-ground way.
3. Replace criticism with self-compassion
It is natural to sometimes be critical of our bodies, but constant criticism fuels dissatisfaction and distress. Practise non-judgmentally noticing and naming your critical body thoughts – “I’m telling myself I am unattractive again” – and shift to more compassionately talking to yourself about your body. Think about how you might talk to a close friend or loved one. For example, telling yourself in a kind voice, “A perfect body does not exist, and I am valuable as I am.”
4. Focus on function
Appreciating what your body is capable of, rather than focusing on size or appearance, can increase body acceptance. Next time you notice you’re thinking about what your body looks like, practise shifting your perspective, for example by noting, “My lungs breathed without me asking.”
5. Highlight your non-appearance attributes
Acknowledge and celebrate intrinsic traits you value about yourself, such as your unique personality, that are not related to how you look. It’s also helpful to grow non-appearance drivers of self-esteem and confidence, such as taking on new challenges or trying new activities.
6. Conduct a media audit
Unfollow, mute or limit social media or other forms of media that lead you to compare your body to others and feel more self-critical. Replace them with media that promote diverse body types or non-appearance-based media.
Jennifer Caspari, PhD, is a registered psychologist in British Columbia. She works at Tall Tree Integrated Health in Vancouver and is the author of You Are More Than Your Body.
