*The following news story is a satire, based on news that came out that a church in McAllen TX (with 99.9% certainty) illegally performed ‘Hamilton’ with anti-LGBTQ messaging and inserted brand new evangelist dialogue in key scenes*
The Door Christian Fellowship McAllen Church announces that its next production, following the smash hit success of its reproduction of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s ‘Hamilton’ will be of the Broadway smash hit “The Book of Mormon”. Production starts next week, with previews beginning in December 2022.
“The Book of Mormon had been circled on our calendar for a while, with its clear Christian message of accepting Jesus as your lord and savior and making everyone else in the world accept him too.” Said a church official.
“Our dream is to rip off every successful Broadway play, and there was no other logical choice but The Book of Mormon to keep momentum going”, according to their press release.
Asked about whether they had to get approval from Church leadership for their youth to play Mormons on stage, the church official responded: “Well not to spoil the play for those who haven’t seen Book of Mormon before, but, let’s just say the Mormons set out to convert others to Mormonism, but they themselves won’t stay Mormon for long in our rendition”.
Asked whether they obtained permission from ‘The Book of Mormon’ creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker to perform this, the church official replied: “Well the thing is, we’re improving their script so much, we expect they will be so happy with the changes that we’re preparing contracts where they pay us to use our changes for the Broadway performance in New York City.”
Changes to the script include replacing all 200 iterations of the f-word in the script with nicer words like “fudge”, “flower”, and “love”, Elder Price and Elder Cunningham reading passages from the Book of Leviticus, as well as transporting the entire spooky Mormon hell dream into Boston, MA.
Lastly, in keeping with the themes of their production of Hamilton, the church official made sure to say “Yes, there will be a speech at the end of Book of Mormon, and we will address all the various sins we expect people to turn away from”.
Ask what would be included in the list of sins, the official said: “We wouldn’t dare spoil the list of sins ahead of time, you must show up to the performance to see what we list!!”
However, a source with The Door McAllen did tell to expect homosexuality, eating carrots, watching Netflix, and taking indoor showers to be among the list of sins mentioned.
“We know everyone goes to shows to be told how to live, so why disappoint?”
