Childcare costs can be tricky after a divorce.Maskot/iStockPhoto / Getty Images
After a separation or divorce, there are many continuing costs to cover on a single-income: housing, utilities and transportation, not to mention the legal costs associated with the split.
But there are additional costs that divorced parents now have to shoulder on their own that put even more pressure a single-income budget.
Kelsey Quinn, a teacher and friend who lives in Prince Edward County, Ont., separated from her husband several years ago. They share joint custody of their four-year-old daughter.
“Canada is made for dual-income families,” she said.
Ms. Quinn and her ex are on the two-two-three schedule – two days with mom, two days with dad, three days with mom, then switch. That ensures their daughter sees both parents every few days.
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As they settled into separate homes, Ms. Quinn had to furnish her daughter’s new bedroom and buy other gear such as a baby monitor and humidifier.
There are also ongoing essentials that live at one parent’s house, so you don’t have cart them back and forth. One set of clothes, toiletries and toys at mom’s house and another at dad’s house. Two snowsuits, two raincoats, two sets of pyjamas.
Ms. Quinn has also purchased many larger or seasonal items they don’t want to be sending back and forth every few days, including a tablet, bike and skates.
“The child has two of most things that aren’t negotiables,” Ms. Quinn said.
Childcare costs can also be tricky after a split. For example, Ms. Quinn pays for before-school care for her daughter, since she has to leave for work well before kindergarten drop off. Her ex doesn’t need this care, so understandably doesn’t split the cost. That means Ms. Quinn has to pay for five days a week, even though she’s only using two to three of those days.
On the flip side, Ms. Quinn has summers off, so doesn’t always require childcare in the summers, while her ex may need to pay for summer camps or babysitting.
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Several divorced parents I heard from also mentioned extracurriculars. If one parent wants to sign a child up for gymnastics, karate, sports or dance, and the other does not or can’t participate, that means the child either doesn’t attend all of the classes and costs are forfeited, or the costs aren’t shared. One parent also noted that equipment and travel expenses for sports or activities can add up and aren’t always split.
Then there are holiday costs – in some cases parents each throw their own birthday party, or buy their own holiday gifts. I saw this firsthand with divorced parents: two sets of Christmas and birthday gifts (which, let’s be honest, was pretty awesome as a kid).
Under Canada’s Federal Child Support Guidelines, co-parents can also be required to provide additional support payments to offset the other parent’s income. So if parent A makes $100,000 a year, and parent B makes $60,000 a year, parent A will be required to pay parent B a set amount each month to offset their lower income.
Whether officially required or not, several parents told me they help with continuing child-related costs for their co-parent because the co-parent can’t or won’t. And I heard from several parents that costs are exacerbated if they are in conflict with their co-parent, especially if they have to deal with each other via lawyers.
While many of these expenses are a choice – your child doesn’t necessarily need a bike at each home, or two birthday parties – what I’ve seen with friends navigating separations is that each parent wants their house to feel like home, with the comforts that come along with it.
For Canadian co-parents, there are ways to mitigate costs, such as buying secondhand, sharing high-value items between households or trying to split costs for items such as extracurriculars and school supplies.
But until large costs such as housing are addressed, many parents like Ms. Quinn will be left on a tight budget, trying to provide a wonderful life for their children while also balancing living expenses and planning for the future. For many parents, doing it alone is an impossible task.
Erin Bury is the co-founder and CEO of online estate planning platformWillful.co. She lives in rural Ontario with her husband and two young children.
