What you really, really need? A good hang | Canada Voices

You know what you need?

Probably more vitamin D, more protein and to up your fibre intake. An hour or more of sleep wouldn’t hurt, either. But you know what else you need? A good hang.

You know what a good hang is, of course. A good hang is a social experience that really delivers. And by social experience, I don’t mean elegantly clad people holding stemware, all gathered around charcuterie trays and canapés. That’s not to say that the presence of rosette radishes and 47 types of cheese are antithetical to genuine socializing, but they’re no guarantee people are having a good time.

No, a good hang is when the conversation just flows. When the vibe is sick, or choice, which are millennial synonyms for “good.” You could discuss AI and its effects upon education, or you could discuss just how far the Batcave is from Gotham City. The conversation might revolve around environmental issues, or you might reflect upon the demise of coloured toilet paper. Somehow, everything just gels. And man, does it feel … sick.

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Being called a “good hang” is high praise. It means you get it, that you bring all the components together. You can listen, you can tell a good story, you’re funny and you laugh easily. You can pitch in. If there’s a sink full of dishes, you’re the one saying, “I’ll wash, you dry.” When the log in the fireplace is sputtering, you’re the one expertly placing another one on the grate. You are fully present.

When you arrive at their home, the good hang host hands you a basket, saying, “Nab me four tomatoes from the garden.” They give you a drink in an old Happy Meal cup and say, “Let me show you the new compost heap.”

When they’re the guest, the good hang might arrive with an old-school game, like pin the tail on the donkey, and before long the adults are pushing the kids aside and blindfolding each other. The kids think this is hilarious. And that’s another part of the hang: Age is not a qualifier. If you’ve got the knack, you’ve got the knack and everyone can play.

Executive search companies want to co-opt the idea of the good hang. After all, people like to work with likeable people. The idea that being a good hang may bear equal weight to a résumé is a concept that shows up in online forums with regularity. Job candidates are advised to be respectful, positive under pressure, humble and reliable.

Those are all good qualities for on the job. They don’t, however, mean you’ll genuinely be a good hang. Being likeable – or behaving like a likeable person – can be taught, and that just weaponizes the concept for personal gain. That just means you’re not tone deaf and obnoxious.

Being a good hang has value far beyond a place of work. Being a good hang is good for your health.

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In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs pyramid, the base layer is food, water, shelter – physiological needs. The next is about the need for employment, resources and personal security. The tiny top two layers are concerned with respect, esteem and self-actualization.

The middle layer is about love and belonging – a sense of connection. It recognizes that humans need friendship and intimacy, that our heart of hearts yearns for meaningful relationships. It posits that the good hang is a necessary thing.

Here’s a snapshot of a recent good hang that really delivered.

Melissa is over. She’s a little nugget on the sofa, her feet tucked up under her, both hands clutching a mug of tea. She’s telling me about her cabin, which has been in the family for generations; the view of the lake has been the view ever since. But now a neighbour wants to build an addition that will obstruct the view. We talk more about cabins, views, history, neighbours.

There’s a pile of laundry in a basket nearby so we fold it while discussing just who on God’s green earth still irons sheets. The mention of green reminds us of the Green family and the recent death in their ranks. The talk turns to cremation versus burial and when did the tide change on this subject. We google it, and it turns out 1963 is when a Vatican Council removed the prohibition against cremation. We both say, “Whaddya know” and instantly tag that with “Jinks!”

Melissa says her tea is cold so I tell her to plug in the kettle – her arms aren’t painted on. She hollers a question while I carry the folded laundry upstairs: Which one is that tea we like so much? Is it the box with the sunset or the box with the tiger?

This is what I call a good hang. There are no macarons. No Parma ham. There are boxed cookies and tuna melts. I tell Melissa about that thing that guy did the other week and she agrees it was outrageous. Thus fortified, I am able to return to the fray, renewed for battle.

When she leaves, we hug, simultaneously proclaiming, “Good hang.” And isn’t that just what the doctor ordered? More vitamin D and a good hang. Well, that, and a bran muffin.

Jane Macdougall is a writer based in Vancouver.